I can't say I've had the best time of my life lately. I think I've had a lot of bad things happen to me, starting around when I turned 20.
Let's not get into those.
Fact is, I don't know what's what anymore, sometimes. I think since the last time I morphed into robot mode, a part of me stayed metal. Kind of unfeeling, all the time.
I think I hit rock bottom between 06-08. Wherever I was, I always asked myself, "Is this where you really want to be?" It's pretty embarassing to admit it, but I kind of forsook anything that made me who I was. I stopped writing, I stopped training, I stopped being fun in general when I think being fun is a requisite for a well-rounded day. I hit 195 pounds. Holy hell. I jumped like 40 pounds in 3 months apparently... It took all that I had to make sure I never went over 200, because that'd be freaking ridiculous. I think going back home kind of did that to me--I distinctly remember graduating with hopes and dreams and plans and going back to Norcal was like the reality check that dislodged all of my best laid post-graduate scheming. Thing is, I didn't seem to care. That was probably the biggest mistake.
But things are much better, now. They aren't remotely good, or fair, no. Finding work in this economy is like carrying an infinitely deep pail in a rainstorm and no cover in sight.
But I'm healthy (a strapping 160 now, back in fighting shape at least), my joint pains that are still present at least don't bother me, I have money, I have plans, I have my dreams back, and I have still not found that oasis (or roof) in this storm of life, but it's a little easier to bear. So here's to the people that made it possible.
Let's not get into the mushy details, because heaven forbid that someone should read this and think I've gone soft. Let's just say there's certain individuals out there who when I was at my worst helped me stay sane, and when I was figuring stuff out, helped me along the way. I don't have to name names. You know who you are. If you're not sure, you can ask. But do you really have to ask?
But most of all, there are these people in my life that have kind of filled a gap for me that has been gaping since that day in '05 where everything really started going downhill.
To CAMA, for making me remember every time your name comes up that I did something notable in college instead of just getting good grades--now if I only had both XD
To ManTime Inc., we'll make it happen. Thank you for supporting my subsidiaries in the meantime.
To far-flung friends who I see once a year but still find the time to talk to me--making time for me even when I am bad at visiting is probably the kindest thing that anyone's done for me lately.
To the company, it's fun and exciting and new to me, and it definitely breaks my stride to be one of you. It's exactly what I needed. Thanks for this experience, and the experience to come.
To the people who always make sure I am well-fed every holiday that I don't spend with my family, thank you for inviting me over. It really means a lot :)
To the ones who serve as my super-ego, you're awesomely patient for keeping me on track all these years.
To the boys, thank you for your unwavering support while I chase down my dream. Your encouragement keeps me going.
To the beasts and kickers, god we're so retarded. I have the most fun that way.
That's just to start with. I don't want to tailor this down to specifics, but it's just that I'm very thankful. Because I don't have the perfect life. But you guys make it pretty damn good :)
